Scott Pilgrim vs. My Utter Indifference

August 3rd, 2010 by Kyle

Hell no, I won’t go.

One of my favorite movie review sites is the rather bombastic, but always funny Mr. Cranky’s Reviews. My favorite of his reviews was of Spice World. Let me reprint that review in its entirety:

“Three words: No fucking way”.

And indeed, that is how I feel about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, the new movie from Edgar Wright that the Geeky community seems to have its panties in a knot over. And I know that I’m supposed to be similarly panty-knotted over a comic book movie, starring Michael Cera from Arrested Development and Superbad, directed by Edgar Wright of Shaun of the Dead. But I can’t work up a shred of enthusiasm for it.

And here’s why: In the end, after you put aside the retro-chic video game, anime, and action movie references, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is a story about the love lives of a bunch of hipster douchebags. And I just can’t bring myself, try as I might, to care about any of that.

Maybe it’s a matter of perspective. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. As anyone who lives here knows, San Francisco is absolutely overrun with hipster douchebags. You see them everywhere – with their carefully-selected “I’m too hip to care” clothes, their asinine piercings, their conspicuous and omnipresent white earbuds, and their perpetual smirks about the fact that their daddy-financed lives are just a big joke that no one but themselves is clever enough to be in on.

Forget the cancer that is killing /b/ – these idiots are the cancer that is killing San Francisco; a city that, for all its many faults, I desperately love. They want to turn the whole place into something that feels like one giant Apple Store.

So Scott Pilgrim is your typical unemployed loser amoral slacker idiot with a bunch of First World problems which seem to stem mainly from two things: 1) his unwillingness to leave a self-imposed perpetual adolescence, and 2) his pursuit of a promiscuous hipster chick who changes both bedmates and hair colors with alarming frequency. And then… stuff happens to them, I guess. All of which I couldn’t care less about. Again, I see too many of these people in my daily life, and don’t like them there either.

The long and the short of it is that I’m not going to pay ten dollars to see a movie about the lives of people I wouldn’t talk to if they were sitting next to me on the bus. And that’s not a hypothetical – they have sat next to me on the bus, and have tried to talk to me, and in response, I’ve turned my iPod up and pulled the cord so the bus would stop and let me out. Yes, I’d actually rather wait for the next bus in the rain than hear about people like Scott Pilgrim – so I’m damn sure not going to go spend two hours watching a movie about them.

Sorry Edgar – see you when Paul opens.

P.S Michael Cera needs to stop playing Michael Cera in all the movies he’s in. I mean every role he does – Superbad, Juno, Year One, Youth In Revolt – he plays the same goddamn character: the well-meaning, slightly goofy, slightly nerdy teenageish everyman. I mean, how bad is that when even his Superbad costar Christopher Mintz-Plasse managed to do something different when he played a villain in Kick-Ass? Or when the most interesting Michael Cera role in years was actually played by Jesse Eisenberg in Zombieland? Seriously, Cera needs to do something – anything – different, and he needs to do it right now.

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Categories: Movies